Famous singers who can’t sing
Published on February 3rd, 2013 | by Nabeel
Let’s face it. If any of your friends sung like Mick Jagger, you’d probably bitch slap him senseless. That being said, tonnes of talentless singers have somehow made it to the top of their game – because of style, technique and a bevy of wanton floozies who believe that these performers can do no wrong. Now I’ll be the first to admit that this is all very subjective but whatever – it’s a slow news day.
Here’s the list.
Mick Jagger - He may have the moves but that’s only cus his chicken dance draws attention away from his horrific monkey voice.
Bono – The Irish midget himself has admitted to having the voice of a girl. The fact that Bono can’t sing for salted peanuts was readily admitted in the early days of U2. In fact, for a band with a talentless vocalist, a musically deficient guitarist, and songs that essentially all sound the same – overly metaphor-laden and pretentious – this band has done bloody well for themselves.
Billy Corgan – Zoiks, this guy gives me the creeps! He should do voice-overs for translated Hungarian Vampire films. He may not be a soulful singer but his unique trebley, slightly abrasive voice gives Smashing Pumpkins that extra dark and angsty edge that makes my skin crawl ever so slightly.
Gene Simmons from KISS – Paint your face like a demonic clown, wear spandex, put on a good show, and the honeys won’t care that you’re a hairy beast that has the singing talent of a piss drunk, x-rated radio show host . There are other reasons too but we best not get into that.
Dave Mustaine – another singer who, in spite of his inability, gave his band (Megadeth) their signature sound.
Vince Neil (Motley Crue) – ‘If I die tomorrow’, I’m going into the afterlife with the comforting thought that even castrated males can write kickass tunes and get babes. Not that it would matter, cus I’d be dead.
Bob Dylan – David Bowie said he had “a voice like sand and glue.” Sure he sung in tune, but his awful timbre led to an entire generation of overconfident and tone deaf twats with guitars submitting us to increasingly torturous ‘spoken’ music.
Ozzie Osbourne – He can’t sing. He bit the head off of a bat. Also he’s batshit crazy. And he’s not Batman. I’m Batman.
Axl Rose – He can’t sing either but I don’t care. He will always and forever kick ass as the lead vocalist for Guns n Roses even though he’s a complete and utter prick, he’s ginger and has no soul to speak of.
Disagreements? Come at me bro!